


Letting loose (holding on tight to you)

by vaindumbass



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Feelings, Fluff, Hurt Remus Lupin, M/M, POV Remus Lupin, Painkillers, Pining, Remus is high as a kite on painkillers, cos he just went through a full moon, homoeroticallly tending to someone's wounds, wrist kisses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25113220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaindumbass/pseuds/vaindumbass
Summary: "Sirius is coming over, now, is settling in on Remus’ bed, careful not to sit on his legs. Remus isn’t sure whether he imagines that he can feel the heat coming off Sirius or not.For once, he allows himself to be unguarded, to bask freely in Sirius’ presence, to stare as much as he wants to.He smiles drowsily, because Sirius looks gorgeous like this, hair falling into his eyes, a determined look on his face, rummaging through his bag in search of something.“Aha!” Sirius says then, and Remus’ smile widens at that, because he’s simply overflowing with fondness right now and he can’t find it in him to keep it in like he usually does."-or: Remus is high on painstillers after the full moon, and Sirius comes to visit him
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 40
Kudos: 416





	Letting loose (holding on tight to you)

**Author's Note:**

> I know I said two days ago that I'm too busy to write and to be fair I probably am, but the idea of wrist kisses got stuck in my head, and in my defense, this was meant to be only a _drabble_
> 
> anyway, feel free to visit my [tumblr](https://vaindumbass.tumblr.com/)

Remus was feeling a bit drowsy. The feeling wasn’t unpleasant, but Remus also felt relaxed, which warned him that something was out of the ordinary.

Carefully, he opened his eyes. As soon as he saw the white sheets he was bundled up in, the realizations slowly entered his mind, as if they were just passing by on a lazy river.

There was a full moon. This shouldn’t be a surprise, and it isn’t, not really, and it explains why he’s in the hospital wing, but it doesn’t explain why he feels so... light.

This full moon was worse than usual. He hums a little, at the back of his throat, and it sounds weirdly detached in his own ears. It also causes his chest to move in a way that’s painful, but not as painful as it could’ve been without these pain killers.

Huh. No moving for him, then. He lies back down and- Did you know there was a ray of sunlight, just above Remus’ bed? It illuminates specks of dusts that twirl in nonsensical, beautiful patterns.

Remus stares at it for quite a long time, and he doesn’t even worry about all the schoolwork he has missed. The floating feeling is a nice bonus, and the hospital bed feels softer than it ever has.

He’s warm, and content, and only mildly irritated when the door opens loudly. Sudden sounds and loud noises simply don’t fit with the silence and calm he had gotten used to.

Then he sees that it’s Sirius and all of his irritation dissipates. “Hey,” Sirius says softly, and Remus likes that, likes that Sirius isn’t being loud for once, all for him. 

He needs to return the favour. He strains his throat, and the “Hey” comes out a bit more scrapy than intended, and a little bit slurred, but it hurts only a little bit and Sirius smiles in response.

“Moony, as much as I love to hear your voice, please just leave the talking to me for now.”

Apparently, even the non-physical hurt of being fake-flirted with is dulled by these pain potions.

Sirius is coming over, now, is settling in on Remus’ bed, careful not to sit on his legs. Remus isn’t sure whether he imagines that he can feel the heat coming off Sirius or not.

For once, he allows himself to be unguarded, to bask freely in Sirius’ presence, to stare as much as he wants to.

He smiles drowsily, because Sirius looks gorgeous like this, hair falling into his eyes, a determined look on his face, rummaging through his bag in search of something.

“Aha!” Sirius says then, and Remus’ smile widens at that, because he’s simply overflowing with fondness right now and he can’t find it in him to keep it in like he usually does.

Sirius shows him a jar filled with a thick green paste as if it’s the greatest treasure in the world. “I got this from Pomfrey. She has already tended to most of your wounds, of course, but she said that if I was going to get in here anyways I should make myself useful.

“It should work against scarring, because while I think your scars make you look quite dashing, I know you disagree. Apparently the school couldn’t afford this, but you know I love spending my parents’ money, and since Gringotts doesn’t know that I’m disowned, probably because my lovely mother hates the goblins--”

Remus closes his eyes, and listens to the pleasant rythm of Sirius voice. His bed is soft, and Sirius’ voice is calming, and Remus feels as if he can fall asleep any moment now, and just sink away into the covers.

Then, Sirius touches him, and oh, yes, that’s sure to pull him up. It doesn’t startle him, though, but it’s grounding, and undeniable.

Warm fingers trail over his left arm. Remus opens his eyes, because he needs to know what Sirius looks like while doing this, needs to know if Sirius is disgusted by all of his scars.

It’s hard, and it takes a while, but it’s worth it for the sight of Sirius, looking at his arm in a way that’s almost reverent, with the end of his tongue peaking out of his mouth in a way that should be silly, and at the very most endearing, but the idea that Sirius is concentrating so hard on helping him does things to Remus.

Almost as if he can feel Remus’ gaze on him, Sirius looks up. Remus doesn’t look away when their eyes meet, like he usually would, but simply says: “Thank you.”

Sirius holds his gaze for a beat longer, before he grins a bit and says: “What did I say about talking?”, but Remus sees the way he keeps on smiling. It’s almost more intoxicating than the drugs he’s on.

Sirius fingers move down his arm, and Remus thanks the Wolf in his head for giving him a gash that extends until the back of his hand.

He realizes, in a detached sort of way, that normally this moment would be filled with tension. Normally, Remus would pull away a bit, or find a way to incorporate James, anything to avoid anything that could reveal his feelings.

Then again, Remus isn’t normally this relaxed. As it is, he simply turns over his hand when Sirius reaches it, and entertwines their fingers.

He sighs contently. This is how it should be.

Sirius stills, for a bit, but then he uses his left hand to scoop some of the paste out of the jar, never letting go of Remus, and uses that one to spread the salve, in a way that’s probably less than ideal.

Remus likes it, likes it a lot, the way Sirius rubs the salve in his skin in constant, soothing circles, likes the constant reminder that someone’s there, and that that someone is Sirius.

After a while Sirius finishes applying the paste, and the he just sits there and holds Remus’ hand in both of his, and Remus likes that even more.

Remus doesn’t know how long it’s been when Sirius moves his hands again, drawing shapes on his skin tentatively. “Is this okay?” 

Remus smiles again, or maybe he has never stopped. “More than.”

He revels in it, then, that he can have this, that he can have quiet moments where Sirius touches him as if he wants to, that he can have his lifelong crush so close to him without worrying about fucking it up.

(He thinks heaven can’t exist, because there’s nowhere that could be a better place than here, with Sirius)

Sirius’ eyes are a wonderful shade of gray, and his lashes are long and dark and beautiful, so Remus looks at them. And then Sirius looks back.

Once again, Remus can’t bring himself to worry, but decides, instead, to enjoy it. 

Sirius’ palm is against his, in a way that means their hands are dangling a bit off the bed, but Remus doesn’t worry because Sirius will make sure his hand doesn’t fall.

Just as Remus thinks of falling asleep again, his hand is left cold. He doesn’t worry too much, because Sirius’ fingers are still entertwined with his, but it is a bit weird that his palm is suddenly exposed to the air.

Sirius still doesn’t break eye contact, not even while he shifts his hand a bit, so that Remus’ hand is easier to carry, and then, with a delicious slide of his fingers, he brings Remus’ hand, palm up, to his lips.

Remus’ drug-addled brain thinks it’s fitting, that his hand looks like one of a beggar, like one of a reciever, like one of a taker. He doesn’t move his hand, and wonders what gift Sirius’ll give him.

Sirius gives him this: A hot breath, that makes warmth spread from his hand and makes it settle into his heart

Sirius gives him this: Lips skimming over his palm, and Remus has never been big on Divination but he thinks whatever path Sirius’ lips take must be where the love line is located.

Sirius gives him this: His pulse point, his veins protected by the seal of his lips. That’s where Sirius holds still, and Remus knows that his heartbeat should be going through the roof, that he should be nervous, but Pomfrey did her work well.

All he feels is that same contentment that has characterized their entire interaction, and an almost overwhelming sense of rightness, because Sirius used his mouth to kiss where the Wolf used to bite.

Remus needs to give something back, he decides, and he clumsily raises the arm that isn’t held by Sirius to pull Sirius in closer, so that their foreheads are touching.

He could kiss Sirius, of course, but he doubs he’d be any good at it in his current state, and he’s still very tired so he looks at Sirius intently and says: “Talk. Tomorrow.”

“Whatever you want.” Sirius responds, and then he puts some distance between them again to brush some hair from Remus’ forehead. “Goodnight.”

“ ‘Night” Remus responds, and his eyes are already closing, “Love you.”

He’s asleep before he can see Sirius’ reaction.


End file.
